I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize