do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
