i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
