Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
