Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize