Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
