oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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