Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
