apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
