so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
