WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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