i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize