she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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