i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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