I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
