My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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