I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
