the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
