We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I enjoy the company of your penis
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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