He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
