just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
