Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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