This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
