I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
