woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
