oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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