ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
