She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
