new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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