if you like me you must not know who I am
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
