My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
