You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
