I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He kissed a someone with a penis
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
