4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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