3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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