Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
