I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
