Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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