apparently the secret to your success is patron
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
