I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
