I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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