Im at strip club and am horny
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
