We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
