Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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