i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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