The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
