I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
