Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your penis caused this!
Randomize