now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
