Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
