You work out of a Hotel?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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