I wish I could teleport
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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