He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
