I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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