I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
