I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
