I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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