um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i out mim tonsoeep
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
