She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
