My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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