Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
