I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize