I will die if light touches me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
