It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
