I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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