i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
