The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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