Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
